"If you lie down with dogs, you'll end up with fleas."

"If you lie down with dogs, you'll end up with fleas."



What does that mean anyway. I'm sure it isn't literal, even though it can be. The only thing I can come up with is that if you make friends with bad people you will end up like them. Google confirmed. So here goes:


"Martin, ya never treated me like that before, what's gotten into ya." Martha cries out to him from the floor.

Martin kicks her in the ribs. The air escapes Martha's lungs quickly. "That's none of your business woman. Now shut your yap before I have to hurt ya more."

Martha knows what got into him. It's those men he's been hanging with. All they do is drink, fight, steal and beat up their helpless woman. Oh and let's not forget that they lay with the Ladies at the saloon as well. Lord knows what all kind of bugs Martin has picked up from them. Martha shivers just thinking about it.

"Martin, " she says barely audible. "Please find different people for friends. These current ones ain't nothing but trouble and you know it. Please, Martin, I love you but I cannot take much more of living like this.  I cannot...."

"Woman I told you to hush that mouth of yours."  With as much force as possible, Martin kicks Martha in the head bashing it against the end bed post where she'd been lying on the floor.

Martin sees blood coming out from under Martha's head. "Lord, what have I done." He gets down on his knees next to Martha and lifts her head into his lap. "Noooo. Martha I am so sorry. I never meant for anything like this to happen. Please Lord," he prays "please don't let her die. I will change my ways. That's my promise to you and to Martha both. Please Lord hear my pleas.

Martha's eyes flutter gently like a butterfly.

The Germ Specialist

Marvin decided to take a visit to his old high school yesterday. So much had changed he didn't even recognize it. The entire inside had been remodeled to be more modernized looking than something from the 1950's.

Everything was arched. There must have been about 200 arches just around the halls on each floor. Each of those arches contained metal fencing to keep people from falling off onto the floor below. Ever the doors to the class rooms were arched. Someone went arch crazy here. He was surprised there weren't arches over the stairs as well.

Marvin felt like a fish out of water, until someone bumped into him on purpose knocking his briefcase out of his hand and spilling its contents out all over the highly polished floor. As he bent down to pick up his papers, someone chuckled. He looked up to see his old high school bully Johnathan Tomas standing glowering down at him.

“He buddy let me help you pick those up.” Johnathan said as he bent down to assist with collecting the papers. “Sorry about that. I had to do it for old time's sake. Sorry about all that bullying I put you through in school. I never realized just how much it can affect a person til I started being a teacher. Kids can be so cruel to each other.”

Marvin smiled surprised at Johnathan's help. “Thank you and yes it can have a lasting affect on someone.” He stood up shoving papers back into his brief case. Johnathan stood up holding out the papers he had collected and Marvin shoves those into the case as well.

Johnathan extended a hand to Marvin. “So what brings you back to old Hempshire High School today, Marvin the Martian?” Johnathan chuckled. “Sorry had to just once. I hope you don't mind.”

“No I don't mind at all,” spit out Marvin through clenched teeth. He takes Johnathan's hand and shakes it.

“So what do you do for a career, Marvin?” Johnathan asked as he started leading him around the school.

“Oh, I am a scientist. I work with germs.” Marvin grins proud of his accomplishments.

Johnathan lets out a hearty laugh and slaps Marvin on the back. “You always were a very big nerd. That's one reason you got picked on so much when we were kids. “Oh here take a look at this. This is the cafeteria. Looks more like a college set up doesn't it. There are so many choices and the entire floor is open. The kids love that they can choose what they have to eat. It really is a great set up. Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?

“Thank you, Johnathan, but I am good. I ate before I came thank you.” Marvin took in all the new cafeteria sights and smells. One smell reached out to him and he wanted some of it. Pizza. It smelled divine. Yet, he could not afford to take his hands out of his pockets at this time. So the pizza would have to wait.

Johnathan showed him the new gym, complete with a new Olympic sized swimming pool and new basket ball courts. Outside was a soccer field and several tennis courts along with the track and football field.

Marvin had the priveledge of seeing Johnathan's new office as well. It is here that he took his hands out of his pockets finally. “I want to thank you for the wonderful tour.” He extended his hand to Johnathan, who took it.

Johnathan's curiousity got the better of him. “I noticed that after we picked up your papers, you never took your hands out of your pockets. Was there a reason for that?”

Marvin grins. “Absolutely. I am a germ specialist remember.”

“So you were trying not to get any germs on your hands?”

“Oh no not at all. I'm not afraid of any of the germs I could get here. The one you have to worry about is a special germ that I created myself. I named it Johnathan just for you. No one knows that I made it. There is no cure. In the end, you will die.”

Johnathan stared at Marvin in disbelief. “You mean to tell me that you just gave me some kind of germ that only you know about because you created it? What a bunch of bull pucky.”

“Well, if that's what you want to think, go ahead but I would start watching for syptoms if I were you. They should start in a couple hours.”

“What are the syptoms, Marvin? Please tell me.”

“Now that would spoil the surprise now wouldn't it ol' buddy, Johnathan?” Marvin grins clear to his eyes and nods at Johnathan. “Have a nice day Johnathan.” Before closing the door, Marvin looks back at Johnathan who now looks incredibly worried and perplexed. Marvin chuckled to himself and shut the door.

Marvin ditches the brief case full of papers in the first waste can he comes to. All just part of the prank. Johnathan fell for it hook, line, and sinker. After all the teasing Johnathan put Marvin through, it was time for him to have his.

Marvin enters the cafeteria, orders two slices of pizza and a mountain dew. He finds a seat next to a large window so he can sit and watch the bird outside playing. As he takes a bite of his pizza, he wonders just how long it will take Johnathan to realize he'd been scammed. Marvin works as a custodian at the school for seven years now and not once did Johnathan even notice him. Now he will never forget him. Will he realize it is a prank or spend the rest of his life thinking every little itch, bug bite or sniffle is something from the germ that Marvin the germ scientist created just for him.

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

He Sees You When You're Sleeping



He comes out at night

and gets into your head.

He sees you when you're sleeping

in your safe, comfy bed.

Cover your head

don't you dare peek

close your eyes tight

no matter what you seek.

If you hear a noise

don't make a peep

don't even move

pretend you're asleep.

It isn't Santa,

that fat, jolly elf

with lots of toys

to put on your shelf.

He's dark and he's ugly

full of worms and of slugs.

He eats small rodents

and all little bugs.

He scurries around

all through the night

just to see you

such a beautiful sight.

Your childish spirit

is what this one seeks

so stay under those covers

and don't you dare freak.

He craves the fear

of good boys and girls

their spirits he takes

in smoke-like swirls.

When your spirit is gone

and belongs to him

he hangs your body

out on a limb.

Everyone knows then

that you were bad

your family and friends

will surely be sad.

For now you belong

to He who is watching

from under your bed

when sleep you should be snatching.

(c) Teresa Brown/Ananda Crystal 12/23/15

Sometimes the best intentions often go unnoticed.

She wondered how long it would take her kids to notice the gifts under the tree. They are older now and not so inclined to get excited about Christmas. She guessed she wasn't as excited about it herself. The tree was white with blue decorations. A request from her daughter. The tree looked great. Her son did nothing but grumble about having to have decorations at all. She just couldn't win.

Her son was away for college more often than not and that was quite alright with her as he had a tendency to be incredibly negative and grumpy most of the time. Some days it would be better for her if he wasn't at the house.

Trying to find a way to be positive with that much negativity going around makes it very draining on her. He daughter didn't help much either. She seemed to be either grouchy or bitchy and some times both. I've heard that's normal for a 15 year old these days. Had she down or said half what her daughter has when she was growing up, she'd have been backhanded and paddled. Now it is the normal for the kids to act this way? Something doesn't seem right with that picture.

She sat near the Christmas tree thinking back over the years and how when the kids were younger they seemed to appreciate her more. They didn't really say it when they were younger but they showed it. Now it seemed like sometimes the best of intentions went unnoticed by her kids. They didn't appreciate anything she did. Honestly, it seemed they felt they were obligated to get whatever I gave them and then some.

It was very frustrating for her. Her heart would cry silently tonight, like every night, after hearing her son complain about everything and her daughter giving her attitude with a magnitude of a 7.0 on a Richter scale.

Her only wish this Christmas was that they would know how much she loves them and that she is sorry she hasn't been the best mother in the world but she's done what she can with what she's had. She may not have always made the best choices but she always tried to fix them and think of her kids. It wasn't always easy. So many times she just wanted to walk away and not look back it got so bad. But she loved them and she stayed to be put through more torment.

Love will make you do crazy things some times. Like stick around and keep trying no matter what life throws at you.

Sometimes the best of intentions often go unnoticed. Pay attention today and appreciate even the smallest thing that someone does for you. It could mean the difference between going to bed wanting to die and going to bed excited for a new day to come.

It's been quite some time since I posted here and thought it would be a great day to start again. Here is a short story I wrote this morning using the words tea, Christmas and green as a prompt. Hope you like it. 




The Green Afghan


Winter came early in Northern Maine. Especially in the mountains where Nina lived. She'd already been snowed in for a week and predicted at least 2 more weeks. She didn't mind though. She was all stocked up and ready for anything. She'd lived up here on the hill long enough to know what to do and what she needed to make it through the winter – 70 years now to be exact.

She sat by the fire with a green afghan that she crocheted wrapped around her shoulders like a shawl as she sipped her peppermint tea. She watched the fire crackle in the fireplace glad that it would be yet again another white Christmas up on Hutchison Hill. That's what the locals called it because Nina's family had lived here for several generations now. Nina was the last of the Hutchinson's, having never married nor had any children. 

She often wondered what was going to happen to the place when she passes from this world. She's talk to her lawyer several times about what to do with the place. The best idea so far is to turn it into a Writer's Retreat. Nina loved this idea because she loved to write. She wrote something every day no matter how nonsensical it might be. She wrote no matter how short or long her writing. As long as she could still write, she would write.

She glanced over at the Christmas tree that she herself cut down and dragged back to the house. It was a beauty. Dad had taught her how to pick the best trees and she remembered every word. “You want one just the right height so you don't have to cut any off and so you don't have to shove the top through the roof.” Nina had always giggled at that one. “Make sure the branches are uniform so they make a nice shape. You want a girl with a bi g middle and even bigger behind.” He always made her laugh. “She has to be plump in the middle. Not one of those barbie doll types with the skinny waist and no ass.” So that was what she found and brought home. It was perfect. Dad would be proud.

Her sparse decorations brought her even more pleasure. They were all of various shades of purple; her favorite color. All different shapes and sizes. Some were shapes like angels, some like doves and others just regular Christmas balls. She set the purple off nicely with just a few silver balls and some silver garland. The tree was beautiful.

All this wonderful beauty around and she had no one to share it with. Nina sat her chair with the green afghan wrapped around her shoulders like a shawl. Her tea now cold and sitting on the side table beside her. The fire long burned out, the house was bitter cold. The Christmas tree sadly drooping from lack of water, bulbs falling to the floor and smashing.

It would be another two months before anyone found her lifeless body still sitting there with that green afghan, her eyes fixed on her tree. She passed among things she loved and family that came to help her cross over. She was more than glad to go. She'd seen enough of the bullshit of this world and was glad to be gone from it. The only thing she was going to miss was that green afghan to keep her shoulders and arms warms. She wouldn't need it any more but it was her favorite and was always there for her when she needed a warm hug.

She passed from congestive heart failure, the paramedics said but everyone in town knew that what she really passed from was a lonely and empty heart.

Just My Brain Wandering

Today did not go as planned. Does it ever? I had so many goals set up for the day and they all got shot to hell. Well, not all of them but most of them. New way of eating didn't go well. Really need to go get groceries first. However, in the mail today, I received a letter from the assistance office saying that I was not going to receive my SNAP benefits for July because I failed to renew my application. So I immediately called my case worker. She was on top of things. She already knew about the issue and was working on it when I called. Kudos for her for being on the ball. The problem had something to do with the computer systems. She called me back later in the day and said she was unable to get it taken care of today because the system was down. She will be working on it as soon as she gets to work tomorrow though. 

I also did not get up when I had planned. Planned wake up time was 8:00 am. I didn't sleep well so did not get up. I know, shame on me. Tomorrow will be a better day. I has to be because I say so.

I had also planned on the bed time of 11:00 pm, which I am currently passed so that I could work on typing something up even though I had and still have nothing really in mind to type. I do have the story idea for Camp NaNoWriMo this month so I can start working on that tomorrow.

Another goal was to write a journal entry. I suppose I can count this as my journal entry since I am just typing whatever is in my head. Yes that will work. So this is the journal entry that I had not done yet. 

Another goal is to reduce my sugar intake. I think I did okay with that today. Didn't drink the amount of water I had planned. I will definitely get the water drank tomorrow though and maybe enough to make up for today as well.

List three things I am grateful for. This is something I plan on doing daily. Let's see. My three things for today are: Leah, my previous therapist, for her opinion and advice on my tentative moving situation. Thanks to her encouragement I have started a plan B for plans of housing and relocation. I am also grateful for my son for participating in the July healthmonth.com with me and setting himself goals for the month. The third thing I am grateful for today is finding this website and community. I am hoping that with enough placing I am using for writing it will help me stick to the commitment of writing and writing daily.

I also have a goal to study something. I have several free classes that I have signed up for on different sites that I either have to complete or get started. I did not work on any of them today but plan on getting myself in gear tomorrow.

Writing every day is also a goal. I have tried to do this before and have come short every time. My depression and anxiety often get the better of me and I just don't feel like doing anything and get no enjoyment out of writing at all when I feel that way. No this isn't an excuse, it is just a fact that I deal with every day to some degree. Some days are worse and some are better. I just do the best I can to get through each day.

Tomorrow is another day. A day full of opportunity to do better than I did today. I will push myself to commit to do better tomorrow and do even better the next day. I will not let myself get discouraged to the point of giving up when I stumble because I know that I will stumble and fall flat on my face. I will just brush myself off, lick my wounds, get up and keep going. Eventually I will get to my destination in this life even if I have to go back two steps for every one step I take forward. As long as I keep going, I will make it. Now if I just knew what "IT" was. 

Wow, 730 words already. That went quick. I didn't think to look at the time that I started but I don't think I have been typing very long at all. Woot! Made it to 750 and beyond.

Yay me!!

Depression, Depersonalization, Mental Illness

This song really talks to me. I can feel the pain in this song because I live with it.